Read Between the Lines

I just remembered my post of couple of week ago where I was so much depressed to start rethinking life. Also when finally I have already decided (after all of the tears I shed in the middle of the those nights, oh I hate them!) to continue life in the way I think I would be passionate enough. I mean, some may know that I was graduated from one of the best schools of architecture in this country, but what's with this choice of not practically being an architect issue?

image source

Anyway, I have never been faced to these crossroads where both have deadly greywacke in the frontier, so here I am confused alone that I am never a person who is expert in reading between the lines. Hence I decide to quit. Playing. This game. I will let my destiny finds its own path. Not obviously to conclude yet I know, that, future, dream, plan, should be chased no matter what would come and go.

And So It Was That Later

Though I don't really know what all the words from A Whiter Shade of Pale mean, this song by Procol Harum keeps playing repeatedly in my head. A very nice song indeed.

And what I have just aware of, isn't death a thing that is very clear and close to us, yes? Scary.

About Patience and Gratitude

Good thinking to God in patience makes us strong to stand in the tests of life. When virtue is revealed in the presence, therefore gratitude would be born into a smile.
While gratitude itself is a determination of the one's innermost in loving The Best Favour Giver, it is also a firmness of the whole part of one's body, and a constant verbal to keep calling His name and praising Him as well. May we include as creatures who are always grateful.

Amin. Amin Ya Robbal Alamin. :)

What Would It Take?

If I knew just where to start, to help you figure out that there's something I always tried to hide from my heart as I learn to live by my own sentences. I can say there's no such a thing that still all I am waiting for, but then, these urgent times always come and make me feel it's still the best to believe in you. Please tell what would it take to stop me from pretending this way and put an extra effort to win our destiny. What a reckless thinking, huh.

image source

Eventually, I am aware that I might have been asking a lot.. but speaking with honest, after all of the years.. this man is still a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life. It was just nothing perhaps, but still I am so grateful for your presence in my superficial life. If only you knew what you've done.

Thank you Sir for bringing me back to the dreams I once knew and not letting me give up to chase them as it's all for my only goodness. If only I knew where to start.

Sunday Blast

Been very keenly enthusiastic about going to beaches lately, and we somehow made it together last Sunday! Very happy and yes.. unsafe as always! :D Heading from Jakarta in the dawn to the western area of Java Island and back again very late at night. It's 300 miles trip by the way (approximately 500 km). Hehe

ps: all photographs are her courtesy.

From Whom the Sun Shines

you were the doctor when we were ill, giving us a bandage, a hug or a pill. you were the teacher when we had schoolwork to do. you gave us love and patience, too. happy birthday Mama ;)

in the middle between college friends at her doctoral oath ceremony, 1981

She had done so many things in my life.. what I've accomplished now are all hers, because there's always her behind my back.. giving me strength giving me hope :)
Her cooking is probably not the most delicious food but her gastronomy is the best match for my problematic digestion, She couldn't sew beautiful dresses like designers, but the most important point is she always kept me clothed. She was not a mother who did the washing and ironing or even tying my shoe herself since she had her own career too.. but now I realize that all of the time and energy she had spent for nurturing and raising me up with love and strength can't be paid by anything.

Now she had done with the test of life, she graduated with the best of the best citation. Zillions of thanks wouldn't be able to reciprocate the life she had devoted to us. I could only hope for the happiest happiness for the rest of her life :)

Though she's turning older, in my heart she is still the ageless woman who waited for me across the floor when I took my first steps when I was a baby. Until now still the woman who waits for me at the door when I came back from everywhere I go.

God made a wonderful mother for every child and I am so glad that God made you for me, Doc! :)

Let Go of Your Fears

"To let go of your fear is to challenge yourself to face and pass through it."

~daddy

Once in my childhood, in the first week my parents began to set up a bedroom for me that separate me with my brothers (we used to sleep together since we were babies), I can't close my eyes because it was so scary being in the darkness, ALONE. And at those nights, I switched off the air conditioner and knocked my parents' door pretending that I can't sleep because the air conditioner is broken. My father, the one who always knew what was going on with me (and there's nothing to do with the ac, of course), brought me back to my room and then accompanied and fan me until I finally fell asleep. Succeed! See how smart I was. Whilst, I heard my father whispered, don't be afraid my dear, never scared if you are not wrong.

Knowing that this trick wouldn't last forever, I knew that I have to overcome my fear, so at one night I wanted to go to pee, I dared myself to get myself to the toilet (and in that house, toilet is located at the back area means I need to pass the dark living room, dining room, musholla, plus a narrow alley before I got there). You know what I found out? Nothing. no strangers, no ghosts, no creepy things. Nothing in this darkness that I should fear of. Until I went back into my room. From that time, I taught myself to kill my fears to things, let say.. being in the darkness, being the only passengers in the public transportation at night, going alone to out of town, or even expressing anger and disagree feeling to those in higher position than mine. Because my dad taught me so, then every time I feel fear of something, the only way to shoo it is by facing it anyway.

I want to be as brave as my daddy. There is no reason to be fearful unless I'm wrong.

Dearest from a Dear

Back when I was in the last year of senior high school, I had this very nice girl as a new friend of mine, I found she's smart, friendly and kind of girl who likes to smile and spreads love to friends in her humblest way which made us love being around her :) It's been years until now we passed through the tough college time separately as she was accepted in one of the best university in Bandung majoring communication while I (hmmmmpf!) fell down in a deep black hole they called school of architecture here in the city.

During these times, we kept still contacting each other via mobile texts, social networks such as friendster (when it was still a trend that time) and facebook. Lately she added me to her friend list on Yahoo! Messenger which I didn't recognize before that we have not been connected yet in this instant-messaging client. And then it comes to be a big pleasure for me having her around and buzzing her every time in her blackberry. :D

Last night when we were on a haha-hihi conversation in y!m, she suddenly thanked me for something I never imagined before that I would get from anybody. You know what she said? it was more or less like this:

"Dear Mussa, after graduated from senior high school and had to move to Bandung to enter university, one thing I always remembered was that I should be independent and never be a cry baby, having firmness in purpose, but do not underestimate the presence of people around, including man, so I keep in mind until now that if someday he comes into my life during my current endeavor in pursuing my career so it will be an arrival of God's blessing I won't reject. Mussa, it was from you I learned that philosophy of being a big girl. And now all the way I thank you."

And my response? SPEECHLESS.
In fact, I am not a person with the mind exactly as she described, I myself often whine cries and throw a fit over silly bullshit secretly behind my door and I always worry about things in life where I actually don't have to, you know that how I am. But above of all, I really feel that I am a lucky person having one of my old friends has already been a smart, independent and mature woman as she always wanted to be. ;' )

April Fools

I am in the middle of a super deadline, still, but I tried my best working on the market research report and hopefully it is beyond my belief I have almost done with it. Anyway, forget this report thing.
I just want to express how I am so happy being surrounded by my best friends of life and having some fun, oh did I say best lately? yes, here they are :) And happy birthday Vicky! welcome to the club of 23, hope you will always be happy through this year and years ahead either.