randomly rambling

I dont think it's quite appropriate to write down a very personal experience of mine regarding to meeting an 'arranged suitor' my aunties had set for me wordlessly. I don't like this idea actually, since they didn't give me any prior clue about myself being arranged to a son of a relative I barely know. How does this sound to you girls? All I can say before  was just okay! because the intention behind it all is to help me. We never could know who is the rightest match if we never try  to find them, the saying goes. But after what I have experienced lately, I hope I won't be trapped in any kind of arrangement in the nearest time for a while. Until I am sure I can deal with what I have to deal with.

I am not gonna tell the world again that I am busy right now. I wrote it all the times,  didn't I? yet I know we are all busy, everyone's busy, not only me. But, I can't  deny that everything which was supposed to only just begun, felt down because I was so selfish by only thinking about my projects at work and my school assignments. Fyi, this guy and I have once slightly met in a family gathering, and it is quite enough for a beginning,  isn't it? As a new acquaintance, I think this guy should try to learn about me , if he wanted, starting from my daily activities first and stuffs  I  do on a regular basis ,as a FRIEND. What makes him so intent knowing me more and think that I already accept this arrangement and will move on to something really serious like.. marriage? Oh no man, this will not be going any further if my instinct doesn't sense good about this thing.

So, what do you think this guy should do in the first place, when I, the other part, don't feel right yet about what our mothers have been discussed together? He should be patient, shouldn't he?! A girl is not a thing you can opt and pick and bring home like you're buying something in a supermarket. For sure, I won't let myself be akin. 

And then, as this guy has made me felt like an option chosen by him and should finally be his, I let myself  became busier than ever so that I could test how good he will take care of his intention towards me. That is all. I was not giving difficulties to any parties since I don't even have the time to do things that can make matters worse, I just try to show him the real me, the meanest and most ignorant girl he could ever see. Face me, I want to see how firm his consistency is. That's all the first thing we should match before this deserves a step further.

And you know what?? He was getting brutal and very inpatient. He really wanted us to have a meet up again so we can talk about our vision and mission. Soon! No matter how dizzy  and hectic I was at that time  concerning my Project Cost Management's remedial midtest! From that time on,  I know he's not serious with me as I am, he cared only with his pretension about finally getting married. I wouldn't talk about how rude he eventually became. I know my rejections to his will about going outside and dating has made him mad, very mad. Mad enough to make him a good teaser. Impatience has brought him who seemed nice at first became a scary monster. I never imagined before that disappointment could change someone to be so different. Or perhaps that's the real him. I considered that it's true, he's inpatient and arrogant. So by here, I quit. No need to take any process.

I am thinking about telling my aunties that they actually don't need to find me a suitor or alike, for I somehow have found a good mate since a long time ago; a person who is simultaneously sympathetic and respectful to me that he never brings me seriously down in any way and is fully supportive with all efforts  I do to reach my goals, but better wait though, we still could give a little more time when everything between us has getting more..likely, dearest?:) I don't know yet. Wallahualam.

PS. For the son of my aunt's relative, I am really sorry. But this can't work because it just came in a very unsuitable time. I do hope that he'll find the right person at the right time. Amiiiiin :)