Bug Off

Some people may think I'm worthless and just a good-for-nothing because I'm not smart enough, kind enough or even not attractive enough for them (I know I never was and perhaps never will be). Which is fine, it's their opinion, they are entitled to their own opinion, are they not? I hate to say this though, but to be honest, in the past, those kinds of people always found their way to bring me down by repeatedly attacking my confidence and self-esteem which led to me losing the meaning of self-love.

But now, I've learned the hard way trying my best to ignore and get rid of such people from my circle, because you see, somehow, there are these reasonable evenhanded people out there still quite aware of my potential and keep believing me for it. Why bother giving my previous time to those toxic people? Don't. Not anymore.

Well, I used to drift in the dark —not loving myself enough so as to let people make me down. But now the light has come shine before me, leading me to be someone who is better at taking good care of her own self. As I'm just learning how to put myself first in every situation I face, everything else can bug off.


Another Opportunity

If someone asked me about how do I feel about leaving Singapore, I always wanted to say that nothing here could compare to Singapore. It's heaven on earth for someone who likes orderliness like me. But instead, I always ended up saying that life here in Indonesia is a lot better because I can be near to my #1 life supporter —my mother, obviously. 

To be honest, Jakarta has something to offer that Singapore doesn't. Opportunity. I don't know about you, but despite the peaceful life as a housemaker, I desperately need to feel like myself again; that I'm not only someone's wife, someone's mother, or someone's daughter in law. I need myself to validate ME; that my emotions are valid, my abilities are regarded, my opinions are heard, and I can get to be something I always wanted to. Those things I can't have while I'm "all by myself" in SG, you see. 

And to materialize them, I'm forever thankful to my supervisor for giving me a second chance, accepting me back no matter what state I was in, and for letting me learn to be myself again. Thank you for always believing and speaking highly of me when nobody else does (not even my friggin' husband wkwkw!)

And for that too, I thank Indonesia for giving me the space I can start my doing so.


Way to go to make my way!

2020

It's been a while. The calendar has rolled and we entered 2020.

This year, things will be more challenging for me as I am going to start my Ph.D. in civil engineering in a few weeks! I'm excited and groggy at the same time. I'm praying that everything will turn alright, bismillah.



Sorting out my life

From one country to another; It's the same old activity of picking up my girl from school all over again —adding Jakarta's traffic thing in the equation, naturally. Whew, I still can't believe that this is happening! We’re not holidaying, we're staying. And it seems that our life here is getting real.
It's already past the time to bid the last  goodbye to our former home in Singapore, I am supposed to start 'sorting out my life' here.

Four

When you were popped out of my body, little did I know that you were about to blast my world with a brust of colors that I didn't realize ever existed and a set of emotions that I didn't even know I had.  And you see by far, I'm obviously not the epitome of an understanding, caring, and patient mother, and I don't think I can be though, because I'm a very short tempered, inconsistent, unreasonably strict-sometime and nonchalant-most of the time kind of person. I'm sorry for that as much as I'm thankful that you are here after all, bringing the best of feelings I have ever known, the one that's warm, strong, and passionate. I love you, my four years old baby!


Hearts Turned

It's the third week us living in Indonesia and it still feels just like a holiday visit, because of the raya festivity and all, I suppose.

After all the hassle of packing and removing things from our former apartment in Singapore I did for the last two months before we moved out, our moving to Jakarta really doesn't feel somewhat unbelievable, but somehow sometimes I do wonder about the sudden change that just happened in our life.

If you asked me months ago at the beginning of this year, I didn't think I would say yes when my husband told me about us moving to Indonesia. Because you know, all these years, every time I arrived in Jakarta it seemed like there's always this big flashing neon sign blinking the words "I am not gonna ever go back here" in the back of my mind after all the sanity-wrecking shitty things we experienced even when we just landed at the airport. Yet, here I am, admitting that in this life we had we could always make plans, but it's always Him who eventually decides what's going to happen. It's Him who turns our heart as he wills; that despite all the inconveniences we've dealt with (and still will have to face), we came to believe that, for a greater good, it's better to move here.


Brace Yourself

My first post after we've officially moved to Jakarta!

Some of my family and friends asked me how it feels like to finally leave Singapore after living there for years.

To be honest, it just felt normal to me, I don't feel sad for leaving such a beautiful place nor feeling any attachment left to it. I can understand why and I'm pretty sure that it was because this moving thing had happened to me multiple times before.

Not many people knew but leaving one place to live elsewhere is kinda the story of my life. I was born and spent my first 5 years in Pekanbaru before we moved and lived in Jambi for 3 years. After that we all moved again and spent 1,5 years in Bangkalan (Madura), 3 years in Surabaya, 1 year in Sidoarjo, and 5 years in Jakarta. In 2005, we moved to Depok which made these 8 years living here was the longest stay I have ever had in my entire life before I had to move again and follow my husband to live in Singapore in 2013. And now after 6 years, I'm moving back to Jakarta, again.

I don't know how this is going to be, but I'm confident to say that Indonesia is my country, this is where I was born and bred, this is the place where I belong. I just need to brace myself for all that's coming.

Bismillah.