A quite random thought I had in mind after spending a little time reading articles and seeing pictures of the people who live in war zone; those who can't sleep at night without feeling afraid of being killed or blasted by dropped shells, those whose children can't even play outside because the shootings are still going on. It made me wonder, how could those people continue their daily life whose their country is at war?

I don't understand why it is still happening in the world today, but I do hope someday we'll achieve this surreal thing called world peace.

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That's Okay

Over the years, my friends shrank a lot in terms of number. But knowing that there's still a bunch of good friends I got in hands, I think that's enough.  Here is to all the people who still can put up with me and all of my shit, thank you, I'm so blessed.

And this is for me.

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Visit Pekanbaru 2018

The three of us flew to Pekanbaru for a relative's wedding ceremony last month. It's the first time for S to visit this city, while for me, this is where I was born and spent my first few years of life. I don't really have memories about the city from my childhood though, but it's nice to know that there's actually a place in Indonesia that didn't make me frustrated so much about the traffic (hello there, Jakarta). 

This is a picture of us with my father in law, in front of Masjid Agung An-Nur.

With and Without You

Just after I woke up this morning, I squinted my eyes to the screen of my phone wanting to know what time it was, but as I peered to the date stated there, I felt a familiar pang of grief I usually had around this time of the year; this day 19 years ago when my father passed away.

I can't believe that we've lived without him around us for almost two decades now. 
I can't believe how life moving way too fast while I still felt that it took place like only several years ago. 
I can't believe the fact that now I've lived much longer without him than with him around. 
I can't believe it either, looking back, the first years that we've gone through without him weren't that difficult, those times were rather bearable, I suppose so.

Having thought that, it makes me believe more that Allah doesn't burden one more than one can bear, that just like what Allah has promised, with every hardship we face that makes life feels so difficult, comes ease.

Six Down

Many more to go.


When I was in my first year of high school, I fell in love with literature, poems especially. Then it was only right that at that time I chose school magazine as my extracurricular activity, I even interested in going to literature class as my major for my third year. It didn't happen, though, I finally went to science class because I was still loyal to my childhood dream in becoming an architect who designs houses and buildings.

My childhood dream did come true as I was accepted to the so called most coveted architecture school in the country, but only partially because I didn't end up being a professional architect after I graduated. But one thing I had to admit though, if I think about it now, I love the time I spent studying architecture, because it's so poetic in a way I couldn't explain. I didn't just learn how to properly make comfortable space for people to live in by doing measurement and calculation, but also how to think about that space in a way that is absurdly romantic —and poetic, for that matter. Oh no, I missed the poetic of architecture, all of sudden.

Anyway, few days ago I stumbled upon a poem while browsing the internet. It's one of my favorite poems from high school, I might say. I still remember how strong it influenced me back than when my teacher had this poem musicalized in the class. Even without the musicalization, it still does.
Perjalanan Kubur - Sutardji Calzoum Bachri
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Break a Leg

I received a phone call last week from my former supervisor at master's school. And during our short conversation, he asked me this, do you still want to be an architect? or are just going to be a house maker?" Seriously, I was like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that, No! Just being a house maker is not enough, but I don't feel like being an architect as well. It's rather frustrating I know.  But, maybe I should be honest to myself once and for all, after years exploring and scrutinizing things that I might want to do, I finally could see for myself that I enjoy being a researcher so much, I love reading, observing, surveying and making report out of it. I had a title as market researcher in construction industry for my first job right after I graduated from university, and then I was a researcher at a Value Engineering research group during my master's. If I remember correctly, it was stressful, yet I was happy with what I do. I don't wish I could go back to that time though —I love what I am and what I have now more than any other past time of my life— but I think it's okay to make a small step towards a new path, to something I'd love doing.

I can't say much for now, but all I can do is pat myself on the head and say, break a leg!
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