When I was in my first year of high school, I fell in love with literature, poems especially. Then it was only right that at that time I chose school magazine as my extracurricular activity, I even interested in going to literature class as my major for my third year. It didn't happen, though, I finally went to science class because I was still loyal to my childhood dream in becoming an architect who designs houses and buildings.

My childhood dream did come true as I was accepted to the so called most coveted architecture school in the country, but only partially because I didn't end up being a professional architect after I graduated. But one thing I had to admit though, if I think about it now, I love the time I spent studying architecture, because it's so poetic in a way I couldn't explain. I didn't just learn how to properly make comfortable space for people to live in by doing measurement and calculation, but also how to think about that space in a way that is absurdly romantic —and poetic, for that matter. Oh no, I missed the poetic of architecture, all of sudden.

Anyway, few days ago I stumbled upon a poem while browsing the internet. It's one of my favorite poems from high school, I might say. I still remember how strong it influenced me back than when my teacher had this poem musicalized in the class. Even without the musicalization, it still does.
Perjalanan Kubur - Sutardji Calzoum Bachri
watercolor leaves image is Brochure vector created by BiZkettE1 -

Break a Leg

I received a phone call last week from my former supervisor at master's school. And during our short conversation, he asked me this, do you still want to be an architect? or are just going to be a house maker?" Seriously, I was like I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs that, No! Just being a house maker is not enough, but I don't feel like being an architect as well. It's rather frustrating I know.  But, maybe I should be honest to myself once and for all, after years exploring and scrutinizing things that I might want to do, I finally could see for myself that I enjoy being a researcher so much, I love reading, observing, surveying and making report out of it. I had a title as market researcher in construction industry for my first job right after I graduated from university, and then I was a researcher at a Value Engineering research group during my master's. If I remember correctly, it was stressful, yet I was happy with what I do. I don't wish I could go back to that time though —I love what I am and what I have now more than any other past time of my life— but I think it's okay to make a small step towards a new path, to something I'd love doing.

I can't say much for now, but all I can do is pat myself on the head and say, break a leg!
Watercolor City Skyline is Designed by Freepik

Singapore Zoo

In the last week of school holiday, my husband spontaneously gave me an idea about visiting Singapore Zoo because he thought that it's already age appropriate to bring S to the zoo. S already knows a lot about the animals but she only got to see them from some picture books we borrow from the library. Hence, I supposed that it's a good idea, to the zoo we go! And it turned out that she really enjoyed the visit (especially the tram rides, water park, and pony ride) and was very eager to see the baboons, elephants, zebras, giraffes, monkeys, lions, kangaroo, and tigers that the she's already familiar with (from the books she read). I knew it because she still kept talking about the visit for the next three weeks, which means that she was impressed with what she experienced, and I'm glad that we could gave her this chance. We really need to revisit them someday in the near future. Until next time!

Get a Grip

This world isn't easy for any of us, it never has been, and it never will be. But if we want to be honest, we would find that we're not entirely innocent at all.

I think I've read this somewhere in a book and it kinda sticks in my head for quite a time that I don't quite remember the exact words now, just more or less. But nowadays, it somehow keeps popping and reminding me that in every new day, there's always another new chance to start living and making life better than yesterday, and —to make it specific— in my case, I need to stop blaming others for whatever that has happened in my life, and I really need to start making my own choice from now. 

Even though my options now are no longer wider than I used to have years ago, I actually still have a couple of them available, and it's already more than enough if I want to give the extra miles to one of them. I really need to though, so that I could begin to see and discover myself all over again. 

Actually, I'm quite pleased with my own recent little achievement where I've finally managed myself to get rid of my bad habits, one of them is how to stop wasting my spare time watching dramas (good bye to you, my biggest guilty pleasure!), and I kind of stop minding other people's business as well, though it means that I lose some good friends, but never mind, it's not like there's such thing as friends forever anyway.

These things and another have made me feel confident that I, somehow, still have the courage to take good care of myself and put it on the priority list as well. Thus, I realize that before doing this and that many things I want to start doing, I'm aware that the most important thing I need to work on is giving myself the love that it deserves. That is to say, I just want to feel loved so that I can love others around me better.

Well, life's not easy but it's in our hands. Either we want to get a grip of it or not, that's up to us.